jdean3 - Tales of Transformation

(Modified personal note)

Over the last 2 years, I’ve been asked many questions regarding “my accident”.  It’s not much of a stretch given that I have a fixator on my left leg that is impossible to disguise.  I cover it up so people don’t freak out, but it isn’t hard to figure out that it’s more than a cast under the cover.

One question that troubled me the first few times it was asked  was a personal one.  “Given the extent of your injuries, how do you feel about your friend now that he is avoiding any liability in the accident?”

This was more troubling than it should have been.  You must understand how terribly depressed, angry, shocked and “dissolutioned” I was for nearly 2 years after being released from the hospital:

• I believed I would most certainly be fired during the Ford Motor Company downsizing(s) and I wasn’t sure how I would be able to find another job.  I feared personal bankruptcy for the first time in my life.
• I felt I was un-insurable (pre-existing condition) and still went to physical therapy 3 times a week.
• I believed my support at the Company had vanished and those that were still in power had forsaken me.
• I was convinced I would be crippled/handicapped for life…even though I never gave up hope I would be able to walk without a crutch.
• I was bewildered by the fact that “friends” had disappeared.
• I was outraged and indignant that a “friend” I put into business, who was driving the boat that caused my injuries was posturing to avoid any liability.  In fact, the legal team representing my own Company also vehemently fought to avoid doing the right thing.
• The list goes on and on…I was buried in self pity.

How could it be that the world suddenly changed over night?  How could almost everything I thought should happen, not happen during a time someone is critically injured?  How could these real friends not really be real friends?

The answer, I found, was in the mirror.

I was not the friend I thought I was.  I certainly wasn’t the father, the husband, the family member or the employee/manager I thought I was either.  The truth sometimes must hit us in the face before we admit or accept it.

I was simply a person who held a spot (job, acquaintance, role) in a given point in time.  If I were truly what I perceived myself to be, this world would have behaved as expected–but the fault lies with my own perceptions. If I wanted to fix something, I had to start with my own behavior.

So this is my takeaway and my promise going forward.  I will live up to my desired perception for those roles and relationships that truly matter to me:  husband, father, family member, mentor, employee and real friend.  I refuse to set unrealistic expectations of acquaintances and social friends ever again.  I want to enjoy what life has to offer and give more than I receive.

The realization that I didn’t deserve any more “special” treatment than any other injured person eventually settled in.  I wasn’t the “special” person I thought I was.  The silver lining in this revelation is what it calls me to do differently.  I’ve been given another opportunity…lets hope I don’t blow this one.

Tags: accident